Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
