But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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