Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
