If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
