she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
