you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
