i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
