Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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