I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
