I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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