you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
