JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
