Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My dick has a subreddit
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
