I wish my penis had an off switch
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
how does that bad decision feel?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
