I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
