come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
