how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
