My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
