He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
