break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
