I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
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