You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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