This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
