Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
