I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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