No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Do vagina's smell?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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