you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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