ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he wants to bone in the snuggie
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
