this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
