i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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