Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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