I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
