if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
