Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
