Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
