apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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