His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
