I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I need to align my fucking chakras
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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