I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize