I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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