The maid of honor just puked.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
