A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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