Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
