your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
