You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
