Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
