I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Randomize
