so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
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