With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
What a dumb baby whore.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
