haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
