I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize