omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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