She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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