I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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