That's intense
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
