I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
