pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
