i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
