Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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