Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We have so much sex to catch up on
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
