Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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