Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
