I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
