i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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