everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize