Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Randomize
