i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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