Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
