there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
