Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
