I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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