I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
