I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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