Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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