Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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