Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
