I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
