I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
