I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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